Where the Price per Square Foot Exceeds the Speed of Sound

West Vancouver: Where the Price per Square Foot Exceeds the Speed of Sound

— A Satirical Look at Luxury, Legislation, and the Province’s Patience —

If West Vancouver were a person, it would probably wear Italian loafers to yoga, order its coffee “artisanal but not pretentious,” and drive a Bentley “because it’s practical.” The municipality has long been synonymous with shimmering ocean views, mountain air so clean it could exfoliate your conscience, and real estate prices so high they require oxygen masks at closing.

But recently, the unthinkable happened: the Province of British Columbia decided to intervene. Yes, the same Province that once politely admired West Vancouver’s exclusivity from afar has now sent in an Housing Advisor — the civic equivalent of a concerned parent saying, “We love you, but you need to start pulling your weight.”
The reason? West Van hasn’t met its provincial housing targets, and the government is fresh out of patience.

The Setting: Where Single-Family Dreams Meet Provincial Directives

West Vancouver’s Official Community Plan (OCP) — a sacred text written in the language of “neighbourhood character” and “scenic integrity” — is currently being updated. This time, the focus is on housing, because apparently, the Province thinks it’s important that people actually live in municipalities, not just own investments in them.
The District is grappling with how to create family-friendly and below-market housing in a place where “below market” means a modest $2.8 million. It’s a bit like asking a Michelin-star chef to create a value menu — technically possible, but emotionally distressing.
The local zoning map remains an unbroken sea of single-family sanctuaries, lovingly guarded by residents who consider the phrase “gentle density” a form of urban profanity.

The Province’s Perspective: “You Can’t Zone Your Way Out of Reality”

From Victoria’s standpoint, the logic is simple: you can’t solve a housing crisis if half the region is zoned for mansions. The new housing targets legislation means municipalities like West Van must actually plan for growth — and not just ornamental growth, but real, inhabitable, income-earning-human growth.
And so, with measured optimism, the Province dispatched a Housing Advisor — a kind of urban therapist — to guide West Van through its existential zoning crisis. Their first question, no doubt: “When did you last permit something with fewer than three garages?”
It’s an uncomfortable reckoning for a district that has long prided itself on tranquility, exclusivity, and lot sizes that could host minor golf tournaments.

Local Sentiment: Density? How Awfully Modern.

The residents of West Vancouver are, understandably, conflicted. They appreciate the Province’s concern — in theory — but find the notion of “density” deeply unsettling. At community meetings, you can almost hear the collective intake of breath whenever the words “fourplex” or “rental housing” are uttered. One can imagine the dialogue:
Planner: “We’re exploring ways to diversify the housing mix.” Resident: “Marvelous. Perhaps an additional heritage plaque?”
Even the suggestion of secondary suites can trigger spirited debates about “neighbourhood character,” which in West Van is a delicate blend of cedar shingles, ocean air, and quiet fiscal opulence.

The Economics: When Land Costs More Than Logic

Part of the problem, of course, is the raw economics. The land here is worth more than entire apartment complexes elsewhere in the province. Developers trying to make “affordable” units pencil out in West Van often end up with spreadsheets that look like modernist art — abstract, unsellable, and emotionally confusing.
Add to that the construction costs, the terrain, and the zoning constraints, and you start to understand why the market for “entry-level housing” is roughly as vibrant as the market for budget yachts.

Still, the Province insists: affordability isn’t optional. West Van must help shoulder the regional load. That’s why the OCP update is underway — a bureaucratic adventure that could redefine the district’s future, assuming it doesn’t combust in public consultation.

The Coming Transformation: OCP, Now with 15% More Reality

To its credit, the District appears to be engaging seriously with the challenge. The new housing section of the OCP will likely speak in the polite dialect of planning optimism:

• “Gentle infill opportunities.”
• “Diverse housing forms.”
• “Vibrant mixed-use corridors.”

All of which translates roughly to: “We’re trying to comply without panicking the neighbours.”

Behind the scenes, planners are performing the civic equivalent of a tightrope act — balancing provincial pressure, public sentiment, and the immutable law of property values. If they succeed, West Van could one day host an honest-to-goodness rental building that isn’t camouflaged as an art gallery.

Why It Matters: Beyond the Bentley Belt

For the rest of Metro Vancouver, West Van’s transformation (or lack thereof) matters. Every municipality that resists density pushes the affordability crisis onto those that don’t. North Vancouver, Burnaby, and even the suburbs of hope are left scrambling to house workers, families, and baristas who, ironically, make the lattes that fuel West Van’s resistance to change.
The Province’s housing strategy only works if everyone participates — even those whose postal codes begin with “V7W.”
The Satirical Silver Lining

The irony, of course, is that the Province’s directives could ultimately preserve the very thing West Vancouver residents cherish: community. If young families, essential workers, and retirees can actually afford to live here, the district might rediscover something it hasn’t seen in decades — a school enrollment increase.
Imagine the possibilities:

• Cafés with customers who aren’t all on their second retirement.
• Playgrounds that echo with the sound of children rather than contractors.
• Neighborhoods that evolve, not just appreciate.
• In a strange twist, a little density could breathe life back into the postcard.

Final Thought: Provincial Patience and Polite Revolution

In the months ahead, the Province will continue its firm-but-courteous oversight, and the District will continue its valiant attempt to modernize without scandalizing. Somewhere between “heritage preservation” and “housing obligation,” West Vancouver may find a new identity — one where exclusivity and inclusivity can, improbably, share a postal code.
Until then, the rest of Metro Vancouver watches with fascination as one of Canada’s wealthiest enclaves navigates the thrilling world of planning reform. It’s a high-stakes drama — part policy, part performance art — in which every new duplex is a plot twist and every council meeting a masterclass in genteel panic.
Because in West Vancouver, the only thing higher than the property values… is the collective anxiety about meeting provincial housing targets.